makings of a tai tai

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 06:28:16 GMT

I thank god for giving me a naggy mom.

the naggy mom who cooks without any complaints, who nags non stop about drinking more water and wearing more clothes, the thrifty mom who keeps saying that i should not spend so much money. the housewife mom who at the same time teaches me how to wash my bedsheets, and dresses like a fashion disaster. regardless of all this, i am still very proud of my mom. because mothers know best.

mom was the one who forced me to study poly and then go work. which now i thank her for. cos as the financial crises worsen, im lucky that i wasn't those Uni grads getting their ass outta school. and with the though minimal society experience i have, i am still able to clinch a job and know wad i want in life and career.

the few days that my mom, sis n bro spent here were not exactly as what they planned. with my sis getting her stomach upset, and my mom getting a little too hooked on jackpots. im sorry i kinda throw a little temper at my mom the other day at wynn. i should not have been so controlling since they are on holiday. i guess i was just a little too uptight about not wanting my mom to get so hooked.

i was really happy at the "home-cooked" dinner the other day. me n my mom cooked bak kut teh! haha. and we went to the market together, and bought breakfast! it's amazing how we never really did those things in the past. i guess i used to really take things for granted. regardless of family, friends or studies. I bet you are gonna say "this is what happens at the end of the yr/end of life/coming of certain age". maybe it is true. and i am glad i did not realise this when i am 40plus 50, where my parents are no longer around.

accurately, i have started my proper career overseas. and i cant remember the days when i was in mimolette. how did i spend the countless days. with no bf, did i actually literally spend it all with koochie and kelly? hai. thinking back, i actually dont regret that i spend w them. for every thing that happens in life, i make sure i learn a lesson from it. that's the way to grow, isn't it? =)

i simply love jay chou.

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 10:02:44 GMT

no tears, no heartache
just anger and disappointment

how many times am i gng to catch you lying?
how many more times am i gng to allow you to get away with it?
how many times are u gng to lie before you realise it's not the way to go?
how can you learn that trust is the fundamental building block in a rls?
when will you learn that you dont deserve to be loved in any rls cause you dont even know the basis of trust?
do you even know the differences between trust and lies?

i appreciate the honesty you gave
the honesty which is part of the game
hope you realised that im not as dumb as u think i am
and if you think ure gng to get away with it for the rest of this rls
im sorry to inform you that ure wrong
coz one day.. one day u'll learn
u'll learn that not everyone is who you think they are
not everyone can be controlled and screwed in the head as and when you want

above all the lies and games, i sincerely told you i love you.
like what i told u the other day,
i tried to be nice to pple hoping tt they will be nice to me in return
tts all i was asking from u
i was hoping u could get the hint with all these talks lately
talks which nv existed between me and my friends
talks which are not just random thoughts in my mind
talks which are created so you can come round to understanding me more
talks which are meant to get you to wake up ur bloody idea of trying to lie to me over and over again

i wonder if my love ever meant anything to you
i wonder if love ever meant anything to you
i wonder if shes the only love you ever wanted after all these years!
i wonder if ure the pathetic prick u spoke abt, who cant seem to let go of the rls which was nv meant to be urs
i wonder if u are the person whom i never ever wanted to fall in love with
i wonder when will all these end..
i wonder if these will end before the rls ends.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 16:39:10 GMT

as i was reading serene's blog, what she wrote abt her rls put a smile on my face, knowing that shes so loved and certain and happy. i cant help but also have tears forming. the fact that she is so certain abt her rls with her partner that it doesnt worry her if they dont celebrate their anniversary, buy things or go to fancy restaurant because she knows that they have many more years to come to get those stuff fulfilled.

for me, i dont have the same security and the courage to trust and believe. or rather, i cant put myself into looking into the future once again. i did.. we did.. but it wasnt for long before smth happened and everything just seem to be back to square one. at times, i blamed him for showing me how great and sweet he can be because since the beginning of the rls, it was bitter. then after i tasted the sweet, i dont wan to taste the bitter part of the rls again. who would right? so now tt im back to square one.. well maybe one point five.. i kinda hated it but yet it's familiar to me that i dont really care much.

this rls, i live day by day. if i can get a phone call or a msg from him in a day, im contented and happy. i wont say im satisfied fully but it's good enough, i guess. everyday i wonder, how long will this rls last. we have been tgt for 2 years.. of which we spent 1.5 years away from each other and within this 1.5 years, i spent close to six months enjoying myself with someone else. i gave my all, my love and put in every effort i had from june to sept. i had the best 4 months of this rls. and like everyone says, all good things must come to an end. that sweetest and most loving period of my rls ended. this rls is sad, isnt it? will it ever start again? if it does, i will commit myself into it all over again? or will i actually 'protect' myself? when i let my defend wall down, i got hurt. that part which i risked and hated.

i never dared to talk abt my rls much coz none of my friends approve of this rls. none of them dont see why am i still in this rls. well im not asking for everyone's approval but it dont feel right when i know my closest darlings dont see eye to eye with me nor understand me. it came to a point where i never want to talk abt my rls with them anymore. i never dare tell new friends tt im attached because im not fully happy. im not the happy little girl in a rls. every inch of my rls muscles is in doubt, hoping and praying that everthing will just turn out fine for me. for this rls, there wasnt any courtship period. like we never went on date, he never asked me out, i didnt have that butterfly in my stomach feeling whenever im meeting him. i didnt even know when i became his gf. we dont have a exact date to even celebrate our 2nd yr anniversary. well.. and he told me this is what i get for dating an older guy. it's not all true but i just brush it off and not want to think abt it. coz then i'll start comparing.

when loz asked for my opinion on her wedding ideas or talked to me about her plan, i feel sad coz i know i will never get a chance to plan for my own wedding. not plus the fact that i dont wanna get married. but somehow i know it wont happen with the one i love, the one i currently love.

another one of my emo rls post.. on a happier note, one more paper to go and i shd be packing to return home! 20 true and false qnt, 1 page session plan and 3 page trg plan and i'll be all set to pack pack pack, party and fly. im actually missing my aussie friends already. i know it's lame but gosh i actually miss them!! =(

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 09:24:03 GMT

m-taitai had disappeared and resurfaced right now, once again to dominate the taitai-world.

the past few months was all politics with the keh-leng-nah and ma-li-ah. now it is over (I hope).

concentrating now on my wine course. man the assignment is really hard. cant think at all.

yesterday jus when i was sleeping, i was dreaming abt the improvements for the department, as required by acting TL. hai. sometimes i really donno why i am under so much stress? i think ive had too much privilege until i think i have to be the only one to do this, do that. that is not a healthy thinking. and trust me, i am changing. not to be so "proud/arrogant". i mean im not saying i am. it's jus that i, by my nature, am very impatient, and i dont like to talk/communicate to people who cant catch my words at a click. ok that is wad i define myself as arrogant. therefore now im trying to talk in simpler english so as to let my other colleagues understand better.

hai. im getting bored of daily operations. i wanna do projects. i wanna do planning. i wanna do more! ok im greedy. i have to admit my experience is not enough. but hey im eager to learn! i dont want to be those who are still sweeping floor at the age of 30. ok no sarcasm to my dad. my dad is honestly thinking of sweeping the floor! i mean, it's good that he's still thinking of being active, but i have seen how PA and stewarding people work. it is tough. sometimes i also feel sorry that they are old people yet they have to carry such heavy items. and my dad isn't exactly sociable. he will sure get ostracized one. i dont like my dad to go through that. even though he say he will quit if he doesnt like the job, but which parent will quit knowing that their kids are not exactly earning enough?

ok enough of my ramblings. yet to finish my wine homework. hai.

almost there but not quite yet..

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 06:42:03 GMT

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 13:03:15 GMT

one moment theres hurt and pain
and another, i felt strong agn to face whatever's coming my way.
one moment, i was so certain that im ready
and another, i start hating myself.
hating myself for what had happened
and another, hating myself for allowing for second chance.
but i know, amidst all these, im actually scared
last night, it was hurt and pain
this arvo, i felt strong,
tonight, i hated myself.
i wonder whats may come tmr.

as i blog-hop,
i read of the most perfect rls
and those which i think will never last.
it's also as i blog-hop that i find out that
even the most perfect rls can fall apart and
for those which i think will never last, blossom into something magical and fairytale
i wonder what is mine going to turn out.

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 11:22:03 GMT

im always strong in a rls
but once i fall too deep into it,
im hopeless.
and now, im in the hopeless state.
and i hate it.
coz this is when i lose myself
and let myself prone to getting hurt.
so dont ever ever ever be in a rls anymore.
and that is,
if im gng to fall out of this one.
which i actually am..
soon..
sooner than i think it will.
but if it doesnt,
things aint gng to be the same agn.
ever..

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 05:08:57 GMT

what else can i do after trying my very best and
i failed.
i was told that im too controlling and not putting myself in his shoes.
i failed so badly that it just hurts so bad.
hes not the kind of person who would tell me the smallest details,
so i asked and i was told that im too controlling.
perhaps it's the way i asked,
perhaps it''s caused i asked.
honestly, im afraid to lose him coz
he is the only and the last person i wana be with.
i feel so tired going in and getting out of rls after rls.
but, i dont want him or anyone to know my weakness.
esp him, i dont want him to manipulate me.
when i wasnt asking, i knew i wasnt controlling him.
but it came to a point where i knew nth, totally nth about him.
initially i thought it was fine, coz i wasnt serious in the rls
but now that i am, it sucks to not know anything abt the one i love.

im giving up.
not on the rls,
not on him, not on myself.
i give up on trying my very best.
what else can i do when ive alr put in my best effort and i still fail?
maybe it wasnt my very best, you may say.
but for one fact i know, it's the best i have done and the best i did.
im not going to ask, im not going to question, im not going to wonder.
things are going to the way it used to be before.
things are going to be the way it was when the rls just started.

im sorry if im ever going to cheat agn
im sorry if im ever going to care less agn
i rather i hurt myself, than letting you hurt me.
im sorry, i hurt myself more than you did to me ytd.
and it is going to be the way it will be now.
physical pain and hurt is the only way to draw the attention to the
skin rather than the heart.

i love you still.. like always
but things are going to change.
i'll learn to trust
i'll learn to understand more
but im afraid, before u know that ive learn to trust,
ive done smth to destroy this rls in my own hands.

you left me alone when i needed u the most
you left me alone, knowing that i was hurt and in pain.
you will leave me alone, when ive finally learnt.
before you leave me, should i leave you first?
should i hurt myself first, before giving you the opportunity to hurt me?
i guess i'll figure it out soon.

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 13:28:05 GMT

i once lost my bf coz i was too controlling and wanted to know everything.
now im refraining from commiting the same mistake,
i thought i played the card well,
but in fact, it seems as though i dont even know anything.
i feel lost.. and insecure..
which seems like i dont trust..

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 08:16:07 GMT

just when i want it to be simple,
life decided to go on another lane.
just when i wanna be close to you,
situtation forces me to back away from you.
it sucks at this very moment when im torn between
selfish and trust.

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 07:58:24 GMT

whenever i feel the most happy with bf, im drowned in words of insults and 'advice' and what-nots. this time i choose to ignore, choose to not reply and choose to not think about it. i even choose to post it here so everyone can know what kinda of shit i face. most people have criticism regarding my rls with a older man.. some even say a married man. maybe im totally deceived. maybe some are just jealous. maybe im too stubborn to accept what others try to warn me. maybe everything's just a lie. but if everything she said is true, i would have wasted my time with him.

all time 'best friend' who tried to warn me abt bf said this to me today (pardon her lousy english)

Susan

carene, r u really enjoy having relationship with a married man?..

how will u feel when u're husband betrayed u and having affair with a teenager?

4:42pmSusan

or may be u just love to be as a 3rd party in people marriage life..

4:44pmSusan

do u know that rasheed won't ever get married again... caused he will sacrifise for the sake of his kids and wife.

4:51pmSusan

yeah yeah.. i believe rasheed give a sweet talk to u to convinced u... but to bad he can't do that to me caused i know the thruth that he can't deny...

i believe u just swallowed whatever rasheed said to u...

4:57pmSusan

just think how will u feel when u're in rasheed wife shoes??...

4:58pmSusan

or may be u just love to destroy people life..

5:00pmSusan

but i bet rasheed will leave u one day cause he dearly love his owm family especially his kids..

i tell u this cause i know the thruth.. not just a bullshit...

5:02pmSusan

and even recently he claimed that he will not ever and ever again to be re-married.

so what kind of relationship u're having right know??

to have a relationship to be as a fool, is it??

5:05pmSusan

don't u feel pity seeing his kids??.. how would u feel when u're seeing ur father having affair with a teenager in other side ur mother is so faithfull his ur father?

5:06pmSusan

or may be u just love to make people to get divorce... and lets the kids become ur victim also...

5:07pmSusan

even u try so...just to bad, cause his wife won't let him do it and rasheed will always stick to his wife even for the sake of his kids.

5:11pmSusan

so u still insist want to continue ur relationship with rasheed??.. i bet u'll be in pain one day..

5:13pmSusan

u don't know at all about him even u're having relationship for 2 yrs... how could u know?? u just grown up ... what do u know about life??... real life... even u're so easy to be fool and lied by him.

open your eyes carene.... is there no more guys u could have for ur relationship??

or may be u just love to have a relationship with a married man???

yea yea... married man is interesting right??.. especially their sex life..

5:17pmSusan

and... wow... i know how is rasheed sex life... it so enjoyable...

5:18pmSusan

but to bad... he never satisfied with just one woman..

he just addicted to sex... ask him how many times in a day he had sex with me?

or may be u're a kind with him... addicted to sex...

having affair and sex... isn't that relate?

there won't an affair without sex... there won't a sex with an affair..

do u have relagion carene??

if u do... i bet ur religion won't allowed u to have an affair with a married man

if u don't care... may be u don't have a religion...

don't scared of God karma?

5:26pmSusan

I believe there's a karma... cause i have religion with me... and my religion is my way of life..
so i will know where should i put my limit.. how about u carene?

do u have ur way of life??

or may be u love to be as a wild girl???
anyway... why don't u put ur picture profile in full?? why should u cut rasheed head???

r u scared people will know that u're having with a married man??
r u scared to blame by people that u're a destroyer of people marriage?

r u scared to be called as the 3rd party??
or may be rasheed asked u to shut up ur mouth not to tell to this world... that both of u having an affair...
what such a looser if he does...

5:34pmSusan

if u agree with him and do as what he asked u... u are one of a kind

5:36pmSusan

and i bet u don't know what he's been up to behind u, too..
do u know that he's half hearted to u??
do u know that he just want to fool u around??..
do u know that he still cheated on u??
do u know that he gives sweet talk to other woman outside there??
do u know that he sending love sms to other woman without ur knowledge?
do u know that he still have sex with his wife?
do u know he love kissing girls outside there?
do u know that he told people that u are a fool to be play of?
yea yea... open ur eyes carene..

well it started off well as trying to inform me of how bad rasheed is.. but it ended up with insults and accusation and even questioning me of my religion. how ridiculous can things be? im trying hard to figure out if im just an affair, why would he be making the effort to travel to aussie to be with me? why would he make the effort to maintain a rls which is thousand miles away from him? if sex is all he wants, i believe it's easy to dump me and get someone else. the part where she questions me abt why bf's face/head is not included in my profile picture in facebook. tts how the picture was taken. the main purpose of the picture is the reflection. what does she know? as im typing this entry, im constantly updating the conversation (well.. an hr long of a one-way conversation). if you would have realised, after all tt she can say, she began accusing and being in confusion. she began asking questions which she doesnt even have the answer. questions which clearly shows tt she doesnt even know the situation. her intention was not to let me know, but to let me suspect bf. shes only saying stuff which makes me think if it's true. how could she know so much? as hard as i tried to ignore what she said, tears cant help but flow down my cheeks. coz im scared. im weak and scared tt all these could be true. so after an hr of talking to herself, i think she got tired and stopped. so what shd i do now?

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:05:40 GMT

so yes.. im back from the good old sydney. but this time.. certainly so much different from the first. i would say.. a much better, relaxing and amazing trip. a trip to spend time with each other, enjoying each other's company, loving and missing each other. i had the best and greatest week since bf came. he is very sociable towards everyone. absolutely fab.. laura even told me tt she would come after me if i ever dump bf. lol. what a thing to hear from her. but overall it was all good. i cant wait to return back to spore soon!

on the first day baby came to coffs, we spent a little time tgt and did pub crawl in the evening with a group of people. 6 pubs, 2 drinks each and i was quite wasted at the end of the night when we ended off with a bottle of champagne. wrong choice indeed.

baby cooked dinner for me on the second night. we started off with seafood risotto which was so YUM and had lamb for the main. didnt totally enjoy the yummlicious main course as i was sooooo full from just the risotto. i think my bf can be a chef.. well MY personal chef. hehe..

then off we go to sydney.. first time on the plane with bf and am wishing for more trips. our apartment was great.. right at central station. walking distance to everywhere, next to the railway station which is just oh so convenient. since it was walking distance to many places, we of coz, fully utilised our legs and walked a trillion steps during this trip. i think ive managed to walk all the distance which i didnt get to when im in coffs. muscles growing too! so day 1 was pretty slack as we were just so tired. headed out for lunch at a thai place near our apartment. food was good. small and always packed with people. then we headed to market city for a little shopping. head back to the apartment, indulge in jack daniel coke (we bought a bottle and finished it in the 4 days of holiday), had a nap and went out for dinner at Meat and Wine Co. in cockle bay wharf. the food was good, very crowded and noisy, great view. stunning. it was also freezing out there.

upon madam's request, we visited bills cafe for brekkie.. choices are limited, but a very cosy and friendly cafe. potion was huge for breakfast. crazy.. then we head down to the sdyney fish market to get seafood for dinner. after which, i finally got to go to paddy's market hoping to get shoes there. but nope.. didnt get anything there except for a pair of shades. still waiting for my christian dior one.. hehe.. apparently bf is obsessed with the cookie monster smile which can be spotted over and over again in pictures. hahahaha.. then we went to dfo at a super ungodly hour. like 1 hr before closing.. so i had to do a very quick browse and shopping. bought 2 tops there. and ya that was it. haha.. dinner was great. we had chilli mussels to begin with and had pan fried ping ling fish (ahem.. nt li ping fish). hes like the best chef i can ever have!! yummy yummy yummy food. it felt like we were dining outside as he set the table as though we were in a restaurant. there is nth to complain about.

weather was great on the third day and it was decided tt bondi beach it shall be. so we headed there for brekkie, walked along the beach, spent some time under the sun and did a little shopping. bought a clutch for laura and that was it. i didnt even get anything for myself. crazy.. we spent a lot of time on the beach and at westfield in bondi junction. headed home for more jd coke and headed out for dinner. it was a surprise dinner. didnt know where he was bringing me to until we got on the cab. even so, i only knew we were gng to Park Hyatt Hotel. so as we walked in, i was led into Harbour Kitchen & Bar restaurant and seated at the table reserved directly in front of the Sydney Opera House. the view was simply stunning, amazing and whatever other good words you can use to describe. felt so loved and blessed. man it was sooooo good to be sitting in there for bday dinner. food was absolutely delicious too. i had the braised organic snails and spinach on soft buckwheat polenta to start with and bf had the petuna ocean trout carpaccio with grappa mascarpone. then for the main, i had veal risotto and he had the beef tenderloin. the risotto was sooooo good that i had to finish it even though i was stuffed! too full for dessert, but i had a surprise bday dessert which is the chestnut fondant. it was always my duty to ensure tt bday pple get the bday dessert platter when i was working at flutes. and now, im the one who got it. feels great though. hahaha.. the opera house looks great at night but my stupid dodgy camera could not get the best picture of it. and my face was distorted in most of the picture and bf's one turned out fine. i wonder why.

on day four baby made brekkie for me. ohhh soo sweet.. but i was soo dead tired that i couldnt get up for it and slpt for another half an hr before getting up for it. he patiently waited for me to wake up and have brekkie with me!! ohhhh sooo damn bloody sweet. hahahaha.. then we decided to go to the opera house to take pictures in the day since the night one didnt turn out good. so on the way there, we went to Queen Victoria Building for some shopping and air con. it was damn bloody hot tt day. like 31 degrees man!! crazzzzzzyyyyy.. so yes then opera house and harbour bridge. heaps of picture taken. great day spent. as im typing this, it felt like only ytd i was at the opera house. how time flies. then we went back to the apartment for jd coke agn and i felt so lazy. thanks to baby, we managed to get out of the house to watch the final show of the fireworks at the cockle bay wharf. then we went to star city for dinner. wonderful dinner once again. i had like 5 meals a day every day when i was there. and all my dinner was so great and yummy. finally proper and delicious food since i got here. then off we went to the casino. overall, he won $100 bucks after spending like 3 hrs there. initially was $150 but he lost $50 on the blackjack tbl. i was tired so he decided to leave, still making sure that he won smth. so it was good. he gave me $200 bucks though. haha.. for groceries money he said. =)

then it was the last day. hais hais hais. seeing him walk into the gate was horrible. cant hold my tears back when he told me to take care of myself. i was doing really fine until he had to tell me all the sad things. so yes.. time for me to return to coffs too. 1.5 more months to go and i shall return to spore and stay with him! we're looking for a studio apartment with cheap rent. if anyone knows where, pls let me know! finally.. this is my bday present from baby!! what ive been dreaming of. and he managed to get the colour i wan!!!

my glfts from bryan, kate and lauren. plus all the love, hugs, kisses and wishes that cant be captured. thanks all! im a happy girl. why was i even complaining of not having a huge bday party. what i had was more than enough. was more than i can ask for. i was a fool.. i love my bf!!

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 12:03:50 GMT

im back from sydney.. will update more agn soon!

im missing him so much right now. when i first came to aussie last year, i was pretty good with staying alone. it was all right to leave my family, friends and loved ones behind in Singapore to embark on a unknown journey. but now, i absolutely hate it. i hate it so much that i simply cant wait to head back to sunnyland. i hate it so much that im not even thinking of continue that 0.5 years of studies to obtain PR. i want to fly home and be with HIM!

from one's action, you can tell if everything's real and true. im believing that im not living in lies anymore. all goof things must come to an end, just like this holiday. but i hope my rld will never end.

ps: grace darlin, thanks for your gift!! i truly truly truly appreciate it. you shd go ask bf how i reacted when i was reading ur letter. but this gift is currently with bf, on the plane at this very moment and soon be returned to you. im very touched by your action and happy 2 yrs of friendship!!

ps:mtaitai.. thanks for rmbing my bday this time. and thanks for calling! it was great that you rang! love you as usual and cant wait to see you soon! it had been MONTHS since i last feel you. ahahahaha.. love you and i miss you!!

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 16:13:35 GMT

im going france. no jealousy pls. it's a "no-choice" decision by the management. why? cos im the only singaporean in the whole wine ambassador team. and the rest are china people. and for cheene biangs, they need to get a visa to go france, but not SINGAPOREANs. so there! am i damn lucky or wad?!

ok so i will reach Bordeaux on 28 sept. ive checked the airlines, most probably taking Air France, Qantas, or Cathay Pacific. considering how im-cheem the supplier shld be, i think i shld be taking Air France. and will tour chateau mouton-rothschild, st emillion city, and paris (i think will stay in paris for a day). i cant to try all the food and wine. im hoping there will be a dinner so i can dress up n look pretty! of cos i will need to buy a french translation book now. i gave my brother all my french notes.

oh and darling, ur teeny weeny wine book is damn handy this time. i cant imagine how big my luggage is. cos france's weather is like so big difference. if it's warm, it's like 29 degrees. if it's cold, it can go until like 10 degrees.

ok since both of us have such crappy 21st birthday, let's have a belated 21st birthday when we go holiday ok? and that is only part 1. part 2 is back in sg with all the girlfriends and big bday cake with lots of alcohol. since im known to be lagging, heck cares abt the date!

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 08:51:44 GMT

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 10:05:05 GMT

hahahaha.. ure more like in the sales and marketing dept la. doing the promotions for me. bf is my financal controller as he will be supporting me if i ran out of money. hehehe..

ive got my exam timetable alr! and have planned on when to return. therefore, in order to get me home as planned, pple.. pls promote my collection intensively! will try to get them up by next week!! i am really excited abt this. well well.. i had a loooooooooong conversation with bfb talking abt my future. man.. i simply wish to just hide in a hole and not do anything. maybe be a stayhome partner to him. hahahaha.. anyhow, jelly shots tonight!! wheeeeeeeeeee =))

grace: which black top? you sure you wanna buy my preowned top. if ure sure, let me know which one and i can get bf to hand deliver it to you. hehehe.. only to you. love you and hugs!

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:24:08 GMT

ctaitai shld jus ask mtaitai wad the new "supplier" thingy is all abt. since now mtaitai is the financial controller and ctaitai is the purchasing dept. heh heh.

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 15:59:43 GMT

as faithful readers of mctaitai, you should know that ctaitai is currently not very taitai-ish at the moment coz she cant even to go out for a $5 dinner. so being soooooo very poor and frustrated and depressed, her mind is constantly thinking of how to make money. she needs the money to at least buy a decent air ticket home to singapore. therefore, she has managed to find a decent supplier who can supplier her at tops/dresses/jackets for a low price. however, being the poor 'taitai' at the moment, she is having some problem to even purchase a few pieces of those items. if she did, she would then have to survive on water and air and if shes lucky, probably peanut butter toast for every meal. she is here, not to ask for contribution, but to ask if she should go ahead to take the risk to purchase a few items to try it out. of coz, if business is not gng well at all, those items will go to beloved readers of this blog and darlings as a closing down gift. but if business goes well, it will be great and awesome and she will then able to have money and fly home to sunnyland.

so the million dollar question:
should ctaitai go ahead with this business idea or should she stop thinking about how to make money?

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 01:28:49 GMT

i saw ur post regarding the selling of items. are u sure u wanna sell them? they seemed like wad u wld need in sunny sing land. anw have u read the new regarding bkk? they are apparently rioting now lah. wah damn angry lah. of all times dont riot, now den wanna protest the govt. knn. i noe we r goin in dec, and there's like 3 more months to go. however.... i hav no idea if the damn bkk-ers will shut up n continue w their life.

so if uve not heard, i failed to get promoted again. this time, im not very disappointed though initially i am. come to think of it, damn im really inexperienced. and shld one day i get promoted, i wanna get promoted w ease that i can handlie any situations. im helping my AM do paperwork now. hai. though sometimes i feel used. but hey it's ok lah. as long as i hav the experience, i am sure i am to climb up in future.

and also, kelly is coming to macau! ok happy. w her new bf (definitely not koochie).

bored in macau. i think u might scold me, but heck. im taking slimming pills! hahaha. xando tummy pills. vicki bought for me! (go blame her if u want.) she says im getting fat. so on a nice and relaxed trip back to sunny singland, we past by guardian and bought it! hahaha. well, im shitting endlessly, and that is the expected results. so im not worried.

darling! macau has narciso rodriguez! and did i mention i bought a bottle during my last trip back to singland also? yeah and me n vicki r in the midst of switching facial products. from biotherm to kiehl's. trial n error. cos kiehl's jus open in new yaohan, so we wanted to take free samples n buy facial wash. so ended up buying a lip gloss for me also. =)

and i think im becoming an A|X fan. haha. bought another t-shirt in a|x again.

ok til then.

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 13:50:06 GMT

i miss the big, cosmopolitan city
i miss the people in that city
i miss the food in that sunny island
i miss the transportation in singland
i miss the freedom of travelling in singa
i miss the partying scene in that city
i miss the drinking sessions in singapore
i miss the shopping malls in that stretch of road
i miss the hunt for awesome chilling places
i miss the good old wine connection in that corner
i miss the usual bus stop in front of that busy church
i miss the walk to never never land
i miss the 'see you in an hr for supper' msges
i miss the scorching hot sun in that 'overseas' island
i miss the 'what time are we meeting' smses
i miss the 'sorry i will be late' replies
i miss the 'hey where are you' calls
i miss the 'uncle, bedok reservoir rd, near kaki bukit , pls' ride home
i miss the 'nothing to do' nights
i miss the garung kuni horn
i miss the 'shopping in spore is so boring' sentence
i miss the hugs and kisses
i miss the physical touch of humans
i miss the cam whoring times
i miss the bitching and people watching moments
i miss the broken eng/singlish buzzing around my ears
i miss the rude and unglam crowd
i miss the nissan cefiros on the roads
i miss the air condition system
i miss the minimum clothes i need to put on in that bloody darn hot country
i miss you, her, him and them

im so done with this country people
im so done with the limited internet usage
im so done with the sudden blockage of internet
im so done with the inaccessibility of this place
im so done with the boring life im leading
im so done with the disability of getting an entertaining life
im so done with the same old boring people
im so done with the note writting gng on in the house
im so done with the same old australian idol showing every day
im so done with the 'hey mate, hows up' phrase
im so done with the hosuemate down the walkway
im so done with the 'what have you been up to' opening line
im so done with the quietness of this little place
im so done with the websites visited in a day
im so done with the selfish people in the house
im so done with the dish washing
im so done with the laundry times
im so done with the 'not much, just chilling' reply
im so done with the 'rotting, doing my assignement' answer
im so done with woolies/cole
im so done with the lack of tanning sessions
im so done with the jackets and heater
im so done with the 'what am i gng to have for dinner' thoughts
im so done with the disability of stopping all these knowing that im so done with them

in short, i miss singapore and im so done with coffs harbour
i cant wait to fly home, throw/sell everything out, pack my luggage and be on the long awaited, dreadful yet exciting flight home
ive even booked for my dental appointment
ive also thought and planned of activities to be done
im craving for the all time fav greasy and unhealthy food
ive even planned to go to candy empire to get my 'red rock deli' chips
yet, i know.. when im back in spore, i'll start missing those 'im so done with' daily, boring routine, stupid things i do here.
i wont be home until nov
so step by step i shall take
the first, selling of stuff in preparation for the 20kg luggage i need to drag all the way from coffs harbour to singapore.
check it out at http://princesscinc.livejournal.com

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 08:20:54 GMT

this is what was found in the kitchen

this is the first time ever she had do to the kitchen and there she is whining and complaining about the state of the kitchen.
when all of us, the three other girls do the kitchen, we did not utter a single word or complain.
not even when i had to do the kitchen for the entire sem previously.
i did all her dishes, everytime and cleaned up her mess.
disgusting? she really said disgusting?! what was left for her to clean was nothing compared to the more disgusting kitchen i have cleaned!!
shes expecting us to clean up the kitchen for her so that she can have a easier time tidying up the clean kitchen?
shes full of shit.. lauren, ure full of shit..
so we have decided on the reply..

then we decided to take pride.. so the revised version of what we actually put up now, waiting for her to read is..

let's prepare for the second house war to break out.. the first one had happened last week.. let's see what this upcoming one will bring.

on a happier note.. sept is here..
sept is a month of celebration.
i woke up feeling really good and happy.
i put on nice dress and be happy..
not letting money get in the way of being happy.
oh well.. i shant stop being happy.. for the time being at least.
i should even be happy that i have assignment to do.
*rolleyes*
12 more days baby! 12 more days to be in your arms!
im waiting and waiting.

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 17:02:02 GMT

But then i fall off, my cloud again
Brings me back to who I really am
I'm just little old me
Dealing with the same old things

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Why's my life so boring
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
There's gotta be a little bit more in store for me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Why's my life so boring
Oh, I'm up for a little bit more
I am just a little old me?
Dealing with the same old things!

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Why's my life so boring?
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
There's gotta be a little bit more in store for me
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Why's my life so boring?
Oh i'm up for a little bit more!

Oh!!! This ordinary life is a waste
And I'll never own a red cape
But still my mind can fly and bake you perfect apple pie!

I am just a little old me's
Dealing with the same old things!

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Why's my life so boring
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
There's gotta be a little bit more in store for me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Why's my life so boring
Oh I'm up for a little bit more!

Well I'm a, twisted sistah, but sweet I remain
In this crazy inner world is where I spend most days
Trying to amplify my heart and find a brain that works
I'm calling on various characters
to make this crazy boring bubble burst

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Are we meant to be sheep in the heard!??
That's my word, and the trouble I find
The world ain't so dull man
It's all in our mind,
Where we're all little old me's
Dealing with the same old things!

the perfect song for my life now!

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 08:12:17 GMT

he never used to drink and party
but he is doing so now
i wanted him to be like that before
but now that he is, i dont like it a single bit.

insecure and suspicious
i hate sundays!
i wanna snuggle up in bed all day long in this winter
and sleep my sundays away
every sunday hes not in town
i want it to magically disappear

on a happier note
mum knows about him now
i feel better, like a load off me
i can openly talked about him in front of mummy and daddy
secondly, ive a really dumb bro
which pissed the shit out of me
i simply want to fly home right away and
do what needs to be done

anyhow, im looking forward to
- Sydney
- Evan Heads
- Singapore
- Club Med Cherating
- Koh Samui
- Bkk
- Macau

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 13:17:25 GMT

the lack of socialising
the lack of getting out of the house
the lack of talking
the lack of laughing
the lack of entertainment
the lack of shopping
the lack of having fun
the lack of thinking

edit:
the lack of money (the most impt point)

these lacks are making me not feel like doing them anymore
these lacks are making me worried
these lacks are making me depressed!

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:44:46 GMT

i.am.bored.and.irritated.

all i want for this trip back is to relax and do wadever i want, anytime. if i wake up at 2pm and i feel like going corduroy and finch, den i go! if i wake up at 7am and feel like having breakfast, den i want it! and wad i want for this trip, is to spend time with my family and vicki. and if i say im free on friday, night, den im free on friday night! if im free on sat or sun, i'll definitely suggest the 2 days too! so, why cant people rationalise it?

it's a miracle how people do not look deeper into words. English language has tons of words, each and single one of them used to describe slight variations of feelings and emotions. translate them into a form of communication through letters or emails. so. why cant people get it?!

ok that's not my point here.

i donno wads my point.

was jus looking at facebook. omg cynthia and jan r together in aussie. not together, to-gether. but like they are studying in aussie! (i think!) so this brings back the point of my circle of friends who are separated by careers, studies. spreaded out like peanut butter and jam on toast. and i cant help thinking abt the poly days, when all of us will jus hang out in sch. gossiping during class. and the one disastrous night to zouk. wad happened to us? as u noe, i value friends very much. and friends who have been thru thick and thin with me,(literally) are especially hard to come by. im really happy that i went to poly. cos i get to meet such great friends who do not care abt the constant competition to get the best job, or earn the most money. it's great to see how we are helping each other in our jobscope. each other in different dept, cross-teaching. and i love this kind of friendship. no jealousy, no bitching (too much), no back-stabbing.

i donno. mayb this bout of depression hits me today cos im really sad that my one trip back to sg, and only da jie is there to welcome me. nonetheless, there's always a next time!

signed off.